


you will only ever be

by mattiebluebird (ScarlettBond)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:13:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25368172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarlettBond/pseuds/mattiebluebird
Summary: ...if you are alive-Pain is sharp and clear and most importantly, they canfeelit.(Useless. Stupid. Worthless.Words yelled and thought and implied by the one person who matters most.The memories that hurt the worst are always the ones we remember the best.)-then what is the point if you cannotfeelit?
Kudos: 2





	you will only ever be

_You will only ever be this:_

They looked at their reflection. It was like looking at a photograph, faded and torn and yellowed by age. Too still and removed to feel real.

_A name and a birthday. A legacy you never wanted, a future you fear. Inside…_

They moved, and the reflection moved too. It was odd, separated by glass like everything else.

_Nothing. Hollow; a shell. Your friends and your family and the people you pretend to love and who pretend to love you._

_When was the last time you felt alive?_

A mother's smile, a child's laughter.

(Memories, like pictures, dull with time. These are their dullest.)

_...if you are alive-_

Pain is sharp and clear and most importantly, they can _feel_ it.

( _Useless. Stupid. Worthless_. Words yelled and thought and implied by the one person who matters most.

The memories that hurt the worst are always the ones we remember the best.)

- _then what is the point if you cannot_ feel _it?_

...pain is clear. They would choose it over fear, over anger. Over _thinking_.

_You will only ever be this: pain and sorrow and rage and fear. Regrets and lies. Unwritten rules and unspoken promises that are constantly broken._

They watch their reflection as it moves, slowly but with intent, nails biting into skin and dragging.

_You will only ever be your memories._

They watch it happen again and again. Pain is clear. Pain sharpens.

_You will only ever be what the world has made you._

The shell is breached; they _breathe_ and feel their heart beat. A pleasant but meaningless reassurance.

They look, not at their reflection, but at their arm. It is lined with shallow scratches. A reminder ( _you are alive_ ), a question ( _am I?_ ), an answer ( _yes_ ).

_I am not just what I remember. I am also what I do._

They pull their sleeves down.


End file.
